I have never actually been open and told my story. Being a wife and mother of 2 always has it’s challenges. Finding my husband cheating on me presented a whole new set of challenges. I went through stages of depression. Who wouldn’t after finding her husband cheating with a 17 year old? I was devastated. I managed to get by with my Heavenly Father’s gracious support and the support of my family and friends. You find out who your true friends are when you go through something like that too, at least I did. The emotions of going through a divorce didn’t really hit me until afterwards. It was as if my body just kept going through the motions of every day life and my heart was on some sort of hiatus. I was a runner and enjoyed races and aerobics classes prior to the divorce and honestly running helped me a lot. I would pretend I was running away from all of the messiness of life. Ha! You can’t run away! It catches up to you, at least it did me.
I began coping by drinking wine and eating food and running. Sounds counterproductive doesn’t it? It was, but those were my comforts. I worked my butt off everyday at several jobs just to provide the basics for my kids. Child support was short and far between in those early days and I couldn’t hide from the financial stresses and the insecurities and pain that came from the divorce. I sound pathetic, but I am not. I know I am not alone.
The divorce caused me to eventually become someone I never thought I could. An insecure woman who drank too much and became the forever victim.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
I gave consent. I gave into every horrible demeaning thing said to me by my ex husband, my parents, and anyone else. I became a victim and believed I was a lost cause. I drank. I ran. Sometimes I ate.
Unfortunately for me and for my kids, friends, family and my now husband…the booze drinking didn’t stop when I got remarried. A whole new set of insecurities and issues arose and I continued to cope, or rather not cope. I am embarrassed for all I have done and that is for a whole different post. The point of this one is to come clean and tell you that you can be skinny and look like you have it together and not have it together at all. The point is to tell you that unhealthy has many different looks and many different challenges.
It is ok to have a breakdown and it is ok to feel and it is ok to not have it all together. None of us have it all together. Just don’t use a vice while having your breakdown. Drinking and exercise are not unlike food. Too much of anything can become a vice. It did for me. I can’t say that I am cured of these vices. I am free of them. I am not using them and I am committed to keeping it that way. I will never have it all together and life will always happen, but I am committed to remaining healthy even in the wake of pain. Take the commitment with me if you see that you can relate. We don’t have to be chained. We can change our lives for the better. With the Lord by my side, I will be healthy and happy.
Romans 12:2 1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.